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Just Plain Funny

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When I Grow Up...

Created: 12 April 2015
Hits: 2945

It was dad's turn to take his 10-year old daughter for a haircut... so he took her to his favorite barber.

While she was sitting in the chair with her lollipop the barber walked up and warned, "You're going to get hair on your lollipop."

The little girl nodded and said, "Uh, huh. And I'm gonna get tits, too."

Hop Around

Created: 11 April 2015
Hits: 3072

Where does a one-legged waitress work?

IHOP

What's her name?

Ilene

What Does Your Dad Do

Created: 08 April 2015
Hits: 3500

The teacher says to her new class, "For our first lesson, each of you will stand up, tell us your name, what your father does, spell what your father does, and then explain it to us. All right, Billy." 

Billy stands up and says, "My name's Billy. My father's a lawyer, l-a-w-y-e-r, and he defends people in court."

The teacher says, "Very good. All right, Tyrone."

Tyrone stands up and says, "My name's Tyrone. My father's a pharmacist, f-a-m...f-a-r-n...f-n..."

The teacher says, "Tyrone, you go home tonight and learn how to spell pharmacist. All right, Angelo."

Angelo stands up and says, "My name's Angelo. My old man's a bookie, b-o-o-k-i-e, and if he was here, he'd give you nine-to-five Tyrone ain't spellin' pharmacist by tomorrow."

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Not Quite A Dozen Roses

My wife and I went to counseling to improve our marriage. While attending one session dealing with communication, the counselor instructed: "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."

Looking at me she said: "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"

I looked over, touched my wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?"

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From Father To Son

A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the condom display. The boy asks: "Dad, why do they make packs of just one condom?" Dad says: "Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights."

Then the boy asls: "So, why do they make packs of three?" And dad says: "Those are for the college guys for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights."

Finally the boy asks: "Then why do they make packs of 12?" And dad tells him: "Those are for married couples -- you know, January, February, March..."

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