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Where Is The Nearest ATM?

Category: Just Plain Funny
Published: 08 March 2015
Hits: 3183

A plumber, an electrician, and an accountant walk into a strip club.

The electrician calls a blonde over, licks a ten-dollar bill and slaps it on her ass. Then the plumber licks a fifty-dollar bill and he too slaps it on her ass.

The accountant takes out his ATM card, swipes it in the crack of her ass, reaches over and grabs the sixty bucks.

What's Not For Breakfast

Category: Dick Jokes
Published: 07 March 2015
Hits: 3485

What do eggs Benedict and a blowjob have in common?

You can't get either of them at home.

Be Careful What You Wish For

Category: Just Plain Funny
Published: 06 March 2015
Hits: 2787

A couple comes up to a wishing well. The guy leans over, makes a wish, and throws in a penny. His wife decides to make a wish, too, but she leans over too far, falls into the well, and drowns.

The guy says, "Fuck...it works."

Going Down Under And Not Coming Back

Category: Just Plain Funny
Published: 05 March 2015
Hits: 3107

A guy says, "For our Twentieth Anniversary, I'm taking my wife to Australia."

His friend says, "That's going to be tough to beat. What're you going to do for your Twenty-Fifth Anniversary?"

The first guy says, "I'm going to go back and get her."

 

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Kosher for Passover

A husband sees his wife is getting ready to prepare for Passover. "This year I really want to help out." he tells her, "Whatever you need me to do, ask... I will do it." His wife tells him, "Don't take this the wrong way, but the best thing you can do to help is to leave the house and let me get my work done without any interruptions." So the husband does exactly what she asks and leaves.

Three hours later his wife hears him come back in. She shouts, "I thought I told that the best way to help me would be to leave." He responds, "You expect me to help the whole day?"

And that's when the fight started...

One of Life's Lessons

Before you have sex you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress by yourself.

The moral: In life, no one helps you once you're fucked.

Ring the Buzzer

What do you call a nurse with dirty knees?

The head nurse.

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