What do you call a nurse with dirty knees?
The head nurse.
Old guy says: "Doc, every morning at 7 I take a healthy piss, and then at 8 I take a big shit."
"So... what's the problem?"
"I don't get up until 9."
What do you have with two balls in your hand?
A man's undivided attention.
My wife wanted to go on a pleasure trip.
I told her: "Great, let's take your mother to the airport."
And that's when the fight started...