A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

twitter facebook youtube 27330664 ml50x52

Every Frickin' Joke

No Monkey Business

Category: Just Plain Funny
Hits: 3249

A lady gets on a train with her baby. A guy sitting across from her looks at the baby and starts laughing hysterically.

He says, "Lady, that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. It looks like a monkey. What an ugly kid."

The lady freaks out, and goes running into the next car sobbing uncontrollably. The conductor sees her, comes over to her to console her.

He says, "Lady, relax...things are going to be all right...we'll get off at the next stop, get a cup of coffee...maybe we'll even find a banana for your monkey."

Who Stole My Drink?

Category: Just Plain Funny
Hits: 3122

A drunk calls the police, and says, "They stole my dashboard, they stole my steering wheel, they stole my brake pedal, they even stole my gas pedal..."

Then, before the cops can ask where he is, he says, "Hey, never mind, I'm in the back seat."

Too Old For That

Category: Just Plain Funny
Hits: 2812

A ninety-year-old guy is walking by a lake when he hears, "Hi, there." He looks down, and it's a bullfrog.
He picks it up, and the frog says, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
The old guy unzips his bag, puts in the frog, and starts to zip it back up. The frog says, "What are you doing?"
The old guy says, "At my age, I'd rather have a talking frog."

Two Blondes Checking The Tracks

Category: Just Plain Funny
Hits: 2971

Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blonde said: "These look like deer tracks." The other one said: "No they look like moose tracks."

They argued and argued for a while. They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Page 233 of 286

Don't Miss These Jokes!

There's a Secret To It

A guy really wants to fuck his wife in the ass. But no matter what he tries she always says no. So he goes to a sex therapist for some advice. The therapist says, "There's one sure-fire solution to your problem. There's a very special herb that only grows in the Amazon. It's very hard to find, but if you go there and find it, it'll be well worth it, because it'll solve your problem."

So for ten years the guy visits the Amazon. Each year the journey is fraught with danger, including being caught by cannibals and almost dying of malaria. Finally, after years of searching, he finds the herb and brings it back to the doctor. The doc tells him: "Leave it with me, and I'll prepare it. Come back tomorrow."

The next day when he returns the doctor hands him a little bottle filled with a mysterious green liquid. The guys asks: "Okay, how do I use it, Doc?"

The doctor says, "It's easy. You put the bottle on your wife's night stand. Then you say, 'Honey, would you grab that little bottle for me?' And when she turns around and bends over to grab it, boom!, you fuck her in the ass."

Great Minds Think Alike

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Little Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?"

Litle Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Little Johnny tells her, "Because the shot scared them all off."

The teacher says, "No, the answer is two, but I like how you're thinking."

So Little Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream."

Little Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

No, Not That!

What gets longer when you pull it, fits between the breasts, inserts neatly in a hole, and works best when jerked?

A seat belt.