Going Down Under And Not Coming Back

A guy says, "For our Twentieth Anniversary, I'm taking my wife to Australia."

His friend says, "That's going to be tough to beat. What're you going to do for your Twenty-Fifth Anniversary?"

The first guy says, "I'm going to go back and get her."

Two old ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One turns to the other and asks, "Do you still get horny?"

Her friend replies, "Oh sure I do." So the first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?" The second one answers: "I suck a lifesaver."

After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"

My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.

(With thanks to the great Henny Youngman.)

I've found that most younger women make a lot of noise in the bedroom.

Guess they're not expecting to see anyone outside their window.