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Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

This One's About Tools

Hits: 1890

What is the difference between a phillip and a flathead?

Easy! I can't flathead her ass with my dick.

The Doctor Was A Big Help

Hits: 2122

My buddy was jerking off way too much, so he went to a shrink. Good move. So far he's been able to control his compulsive masturbating. Now he doesn't jerk off nearly as much. He says it feels like he got a huge load off his chest.

No Reason To Split Up

Hits: 2376

This couple gets married. After several weeks of marital bliss the guy wants to show his wife just how much she means to him. So he has "I Love You" tattooed on his dick.

One month later the wife files for divorce. When the guy asks why, she tells him: "You keep putting words in my mouth."

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There's No Substitute

I hate it when a girl tries to offer me a lame consolation prize. 'Cause girls will say things like: "Oh, we're not going to have sex, but I'll give you a hand job."

Hey! Newsflash: I have hands... they have the job... the position is filled... I don't need to outsource the work... alright? If you got a pussy for the job, we can talk -- 'cause I am always hiring.

Not Necessarily From The Bronx

What's the definition of a Yankee?

Same thing as a quickie only you do it yourself.

Call The Coroner

How can you tell if your husband is dead?

The sex is the same but you get to use the remote.