This One's About Tools

What is the difference between a phillip and a flathead?

Easy! I can't flathead her ass with my dick.

What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench?

The NBA.

My wife told me I should be more affectionate.

So I told her I got a girlfriend.

And that's when the fight started...

My dick is so big, it graduated High School a year ahead of me.