A nun came to her Mother Superior and asked her to hear confession. "Today Father Johnson told me I had the gates of Heaven between my legs, and that he had the Key to Heaven. Then he opened my gates with his key."
"That bastard!" said Mother Superior. "He told me it was Gabriel's trumpet, and I've been blowing it."
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a Torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my idiot husband Is out fishing in that?"