What is the difference between a phillip and a flathead?
Easy! I can't flathead her ass with my dick.
What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic is when you use a feather on her... kinky is when you use the whole chicken.
My wife came out of the shower, winked at me and said, "I shaved my pussy! You know what that means?"
I said, "Yeah the fucking drain is clogged again."
And that's when the fight started...
What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden?
Seizure Salad.