This One's About Tools

: Created: 31 March 2017; Hits: 2336

What is the difference between a phillip and a flathead?

Easy! I can't flathead her ass with my dick.

Don't Miss These Jokes!

The Race Is On

A guy walks into a bar, orders 12 shots & starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender asks, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"

The guy says, "You would be drinking fast, too, if you had what I had." The bartender asks, "What do you have?"

The guy says, "75 cents."

Notes From My Course In Business School

Here is all you need to know about marketing:

You spot a hot chick at a party. You go up to her and say, "I’m fantastic in bed." That’s called Direct Marketing.

You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and you spot a hot chick. Have one of your buddies go up to her, point over to you and say, "He’s fantastic in bed." That’s called Advertising.

You spot a hot chick at a party. You get her phone number, call her up the next day and say, "Hi, I’m fantastic in bed." We'll call that Telemarketing.

You’re at a party when you spot a hot chick. You get up, straighten your tie, walk over to her and bring her a drink. You compliment her on how she's dressed. Be sure to open the door for her, pick up her purse if she drops it and even offer her a ride later. Then you say to her, "By the way, I’m fantastic in bed." You got it - Public Relations.

Finally, you’re at a party and spot a hot chick. She walks up to you and says, "I hear you’re fantastic in bed." Now that’s Brand Recognition.

Professional Opinion

Guy visits the doctor and tells him, "Doc, I've got a sex problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore." The doctor tells him, "Bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."

The next day, the guy comes back with his wife. The doctor tells her, "Please take off all of your clothes and lie down on the table." After she's lying there naked, the doctor walks around the table a few times, looking her up and down and all around.

Finally he pulls the guy aside and assures him, "You're fine. She don't give me a hard-on, either."