A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

I Have One Question

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Jerk off with hand sanitizer... do you still wash your hands when you're done? (Just askin' for a friend)

Runs In The Family

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Cop stops a young prostitute on the street & asks: "What would your mother say if she saw you out hooking?"

"She'd be pissed as hell... this is her corner!"

Wife's Lament

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One Friday afternoon two women are sitting on the front porch. The first woman says, "Here comes my husband with a bunch of flowers. That means I'll be on my back with my legs in the air all weekend."

The other woman asks, "Why, don't you have a vase?"

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Barking Dog, Eventually Stops!

Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in?

The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!

No Monkey Business

A lady gets on a train with her baby. A guy sitting across from her looks at the baby and starts laughing hysterically.

He says, "Lady, that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. It looks like a monkey. What an ugly kid."

The lady freaks out, and goes running into the next car sobbing uncontrollably. The conductor sees her, comes over to her to console her.

He says, "Lady, relax...things are going to be all right...we'll get off at the next stop, get a cup of coffee...maybe we'll even find a banana for your monkey."

Golf Lessons

A woman goes to the golf pro to take some lessons. Apparently she has a terrible drive and can't help slicing or hooking every shot. The pro watches her for a while then tells her: "Your problem is that you are gripping the club too tight. You need to grip the shaft it a little more gently. Try gripping the club just like you grip your husband at night under the sheets."

Bam. The next shot is straight down the fairway... but only about 15 yards.

The pro says: "Not bad... now... take the club out of your mouth and let's go for distance."