A match asks if he can get into a dance club. The Bouncer says: "You can go in. Just don't start anything."
A wife went to see a therapist. "I've got a big problem. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes he lets out this ear splitting yell."
"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely normal. I don't see what the problem is."
"The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"
How did Burger King get Diary Queen Pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his whopper.
Girl texts: "If you're sleeping, send your dreams ... if you're laughing, send your smile."
Boyfriend texts back: "Taking a shit... Please advise."