On One Condition

A match asks if he can get into a dance club. The Bouncer says: "You can go in. Just don't start anything."

What's the definition of a Yankee?

Same thing as a quickie only you do it yourself.

One night I came home a little late and very drunk. There was my wife standing there holding a broom

Thinking fast (maybe too fast) I said: "Are you still cleaning or are you going for a ride?"

And that's when the fight started...

Hallmark Card fail:

"My tire was thumping, I thought it was flat. Looked underneath and noticed your cat."