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Vegetable Logic

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How's broccoli like anal sex?

If it was forced on you as a kid, you probably won't enjoy it as an adult.

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It's A Dirty Job

What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?

A Mechanic.

Quick Thinking

Little Johnny's dad was sitting on the edge of the bed rolling on a condom about to give some to the old lady. Little Johnny sticks his head in the door, sees his dad and says, "Whatcha doin' Daddy?" Johnny's dad stoops over to cover up his dick and starts looking around at the floor. "Oh, I'm just looking for this big rat I saw." he tells the kid.

Little Johnny asks, "Whatcha gonna do, fuck it?"

More Than One Use

One night while I was lying in bed trying to fall asleep my wife asked me a real stupid question: "Honey, why do you think god gave men a dick?"

I opened one eye and told her: "So we'd always have at least one way to shut a woman up!"

And that;s when the fight started...