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Dick Jokes

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The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

A Helping Hand

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A priest is walking down the street and passes by a prostitute who yells out, "$20 for a handjob!"

He keeps walking but later he asks a nun, "What's a handjob?"

She replies, "20 bucks... same as in town."

More Cushion For The Pushin'

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How do you get a really fat girl into your bed?

Piece of cake.

Two Is Better Than One

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Mark and Alex are hanging out at home one cold winter day. Alex asks his friend "It's fuckin' freezin' in here. Can you go upstairs and get me my fuckin' slippers?"

So Alex goes upstairs to get the slippers and he comes across Mark's hot 21-year-old twin sisters. He tells them, "Your brother just sent me up her to have sex with both of you."

One of the sisters replies, "Yeah. Prove it!"

So Alex yells downstairs, "Hey Mark! Both of them?!"

Mark yells back, "Of course! What's the point of fuckin' one?!"

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What did one whore's knee say to the other?

Nothing... they never met.

Just The Tip?

As a couple gets into bed, the husband starts to rub and kiss his wife. She turns over and says, "I'm sorry, honey. I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to stay fresh." The husband sadly turns over.

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife. "Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"

A Question For Dad

A son asks his father: "What's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'."

His father thinks for a moment then says: "Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with George Clooney for a million bucks."

So he does and mom says: "You bet I would!" The boy reports back to his father but still doesn't understand.

So the father says: "Now, go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks."

Off he goes to ask his sister and her reply is: "Absolutely!"

Finally the boy goes back to his dad and says: "I think I get it pop. 'Potentially' we are sitting on two million dollars here... but in 'reality' we're living with a couple of whores."