What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control?
A trip without the kids!
Last year, on Valentine's Day, my fiancée of five years bought me a lottery ticket and I won $10 Million!!
I wonder what she's doing nowadays?
What's the worst thing about anal sex with a horse?
When it's his turn.
A wife went to see a therapist. "I've got a big problem. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes he lets out this ear splitting yell."
"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely normal. I don't see what the problem is."
"The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"