What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control?
A trip without the kids!
How's a frying pan hanging on the wall like a woman's panties?
You have to get them down before you can put the meat in.
Why'd the guy marry the Siamese twin?
So he could fuck his wife and have a girlfriend on the side.
I told my wife I was so pleased she treated me like a God. She looked at me and asked, "What do you mean?"
I told her, "Every evening at dinner you give me a burnt offering."
And that's when the fight started...