Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke

High art... from a low place.

: Created: 12 March 2016; Hits: 3789

Bad things come in three's. Always in three's.

The other day I was screwing my girlfriend while her husband was on a business trip. First she said three words: "Is it in?"

Then she followed that with: "Are you done?"

And finally I heard the front door open and a man's voice shout out: "Honey, I'm home!"

: Created: 11 March 2016; Hits: 3286

A man calls his wife into the bedroom. "I want to show you the new watch I got today."

She walks in and finds him with his pants down. "That's not a watch!" she says.

"It will be once you put two hands and a face on it."

: Created: 10 March 2016; Hits: 4032

What's the difference between a husand and a wife?

Wives want to videotape the birth of their child. Husbands want to videotape the conception.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

The Long And The Short Of It

Three guys are arguing about who has the longest dick, and they decide the only way to find out once and for all is to go to the Observation Deck of the Empire State Building and hang them over the side.

The first guy says, "Check it out. My pecker reaches down to the 68th floor." The second guy says, "That's nothing. This beauty's dangling down past the 34th floor."

They look over and see the third guy jumping up and down and back and forth. The first guy yells at him, "What the hell are you doing?" He says, "Dodgin' traffic."

It's How They're Packed

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.

Outside The Clinic

What's worse than getting your keys stuck inside your car when you're parked outside an abortion clinic?

Going in to ask if you can borrow a coat hanger.