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Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

Even After You're Dead...

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How are a lawyer and a prostitute different?

The prostitute stops fucking you after you're dead.

The Chicken Or The Egg?

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A chicken and and egg are lying in bed.

The chicken begins to light up a cigarette.

The egg says: "Well... I guess that answers that question."

Let's Get It On

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What is the definition of "making love"?

Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.

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I'd Like To Point This Out

My wife came in complaining about me never lifting a finger around the house.

So I did - the middle one.

And that's when the fight started...

Ahh... The Good Old Days

Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home reminiscing.

The first lady recalled shopping at the grocer and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.

The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper back then, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.

The third old lady remarked, "I can’t hear a word you’re saying, but I remember the guy you’re talking about."

Drive Safely

A car was driving recklessly down the street, swerving left and right. When it whizzed past a cop he pulled it over. A blonde rolled down the window and said, " Officer, I'm so glad you're here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting them!"

The officer looked at her and said, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener."