What's the difference between a husand and a wife?
Wives want to videotape the birth of their child. Husbands want to videotape the conception.
My wife was about to start her morning nag when I shot out: "You know our marriage is like a three-ring circus..."
And before she could comment I told her why: "First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering!"
And that's when the fight started...
Here's my observation about work and productivity:
It would be a lot easier to be a hard worker if my company didn’t block access to porn sites on the internet.
Why was the nearsighted fly starving?
He couldn't see shit.