How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
What did the fresh egg say to the boiling water when the farmer's wife dropped it in?
Don't expect me to get hard so fast... I just got laid by some chick a minute ago.
A guy bends his wife over the kitchen table and fucks her in the ass. When he's finished he asks: "Did you like that?"
She tells him: "I'd have liked it a lot more if the kids were done eating."
I told my wife I was so pleased she treated me like a God. She looked at me and asked, "What do you mean?"
I told her, "Every evening at dinner you give me a burnt offering."
And that's when the fight started...
