How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.
My wife and I were talking about the differences between little boys and little girls. I asked her: "Why don't little girls fart like little boys do?"
She answered: "Because they don't get assholes until they're married."
And that's when the fight started...
An old guy visits a doctor. The doctor examines him and then sits down in the office for a consultation on his diagnosis.
"Well..." the doctor begins, "I'm sorry to have to tell you this... but you have cancer and you have Alzheimers."
The old guy looks at the doctor for a moment then says: "Thank god I don't have cancer."
