Joe gets a ticket to the Super Bowl from his company, but when he gets there, the seat is in the last row way back in the corner of the stadium.
Halfway through the first quarter, Joe sees through his binoculars an empty seat ten rows off the field, right on the fifty-yard line. He decides to take a chance, and makes his way around the security guards to the empty seat.
As he sits down, Joe says to the guy sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anybody sitting here?"
The guy says, "No."
Joe says, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl and not use it?"
The guy says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't seen together since we got married in 1967."
Joe says, "That's really sad. But couldn't you find anyone to take the seat? A friend, or a close relative?"
A couple is in divorce court to decide on custody of their child. The judge asks each one to give a reason why they should be the one to keep the child.
The wife says, "Well I carried this child around in me for nine months and I had to go through a painful birth process. This is my child and a part of me." Then the judge turns to the husband and asks the same question.
The husband replies, "OK, I take a coin and put it in the drink machine and a drink comes out. Now, tell me, who does the drink belong to -- me or the machine"
A cute young blonde goes to a radio station late one night and kocks on the door. The all-night D.J. lets her in and chats to her between songs. Pretty soon he starts getting really horny. Finally, he can't stand it any more. So he rolls his chair over in front of her, stands on it, takes out his dick and sticks it right in her face. He looks down at her and says, "You know what to do!"
She looks up at him and says, "I-I think so." He says, "Then go ahead."
She grabs it and screams into it, "I just want to say hello to Terry and Holly and the whole gang at Matt's Grill."
