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Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

Time To Do Some Lawn Work

Hits: 2976

What's the best part of gardening?

Getting down and dirty with my hoes.

Now You'll Love Math Class

Hits: 3318

Sex is like math. Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, & pray you don't multiply.

And if your partner is really good she'll have no problem finding the root!

Now That's A Mess

Hits: 3223

I once went on date with a girl who didn't swallow.

There was soup everywhere!

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Who's Your Daddy?

Johnson took his latest invention, a computerized crystal ball, to his banker hoping to get a business loan. The banker was skeptical, so Johnson said to give it a try.

The banker typed "Where's my father?" and instantly the reply came back "Fishing in Michigan."

The banker said "I knew this thing wouldn't work. My father's been dead for twenty years."

Johnson begged him "No.wait. Try asking in a different way."

So the banker tried "Where's my mother's husband?"

And bang the answer came back: "Your mother's husband has been dead for twenty years. Your father just landed a three pound trout."

Outside The Clinic

What's worse than getting your keys stuck inside your car when you're parked outside an abortion clinic?

Going in to ask if you can borrow a coat hanger.

This Time It's The Husband's Turn

My wife seemed a little down in the dumps. So I offered her some advice: "Honey, cheer up. Sometimes you just have to appreciate the little things in life."

She looked at me and replied: "How do you think I've stuck with you?"

And that's when the fight started...