What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.
A guy is driving home when a cop pulls him over.The cop says, "Have you been drinking?"The guy says, "Yes, I have."The cop says, "Please step out of the car."The guy says, "Why? Don't you believe me?"
My girlfriend's a real clean freak. She says it's disgusting to piss in the bathtub.
Next time maybe I should wait until she gets out.
What would you call a guy who jerks off during an earthquake?
Focused.
