What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.
A guy says, "For our Twentieth Anniversary, I'm taking my wife to Australia."
His friend says, "That's going to be tough to beat. What're you going to do for your Twenty-Fifth Anniversary?"
The first guy says, "I'm going to go back and get her."
My wife was about to start her morning nag when I shot out: "You know our marriage is like a three-ring circus..."
And before she could comment I told her why: "First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering!"
And that's when the fight started...
What do you call a teenager who doesn't masturbate?
A liar.
