What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.
My wife and I were lying in bed last night. She gently leaned over and whispered: "I'm going to make you the happiest man in the world."
So I leaned over and whispered back: "I'm going to miss you."
And that's when the fight started...
On our honeymoon night I asked my bride, "Honey... am I the first?"
She replied, "Why does everybody ask that?"
A drunk wakes up in a cemetery in a freshly-dug grave. He thinks: If I'm alive, why's there a tombstone? If I'm dead, why do I have to piss?
