A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Just Plain Funny

PlainFunny400X200Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

See What I Mean?

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Why was the nearsighted fly starving?

He couldn't see shit.

That's Her Opinion

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Honeymoon morning after. Wife: "You're a lousy lover."

Husband: "How can you tell after only 30 seconds?"

Pirate Walks Into A Bar

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Bartender to pirate: Why the paper towel sticking out of your hat?

Pirate: Arrgh, Got a bounty on me head.

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By Reputation

The teacher was explaining to her pupils the importance of responsibility and was looking to assign a team to do an important job for the class. She told them: "In this job we need someone who is responsible."

Little Johnny jumped up and shouted: "I'm the one you want teach'. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

College Rules

On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students about the dormitory rules: "The women's dorm will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the men's dorm will be off limits to all female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?"

One male student raised his hand and asked, "How much for a season pass?"

Done But Not Retired

What would you call a hooker with jizz all over her face?

Call her a cab ... her job is done.