Just Plain Funny

PlainFunny400X200 Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

Why was the nearsighted fly starving?

He couldn't see shit.

Honeymoon morning after. Wife: "You're a lousy lover."

Husband: "How can you tell after only 30 seconds?"

Bartender to pirate: Why the paper towel sticking out of your hat?

Pirate: Arrgh, Got a bounty on me head.

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Wife to her husband in frustration: "Get the fuck out." Then, as he's leaving, she adds, "I hope you die a slow painful death."

He turns back to her and says, "So now you want me to stay?"

And that's when the REAL fight started...

Easy, inexpensive way to get rid of weeds: Put 2 cups of Epsom salt and a 1/4 cup of dish soap in a gallon of vinegar. Shake well.

Then tell your family you're going to mix it in their food if they don't get off their lazy asses and go outside and yank up the goddamned crabgrass.

What does a woman's asshole do when she has an orgasm?

He's probably home watching football or something.

See What I Mean?