That's Her Opinion

Honeymoon morning after. Wife: "You're a lousy lover."

Husband: "How can you tell after only 30 seconds?"

What doesn't belong in this list: Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?

Blowjob. You can beat your meat, eggs or your wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.

My wife told me I should be more affectionate.

So I told her I got a girlfriend.

And that's when the fight started...

How did Pinocchio find out he was made out of wood?

His hand caught fire.