A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Just Plain Funny

PlainFunny400X200Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

One For Just About Everything

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If a guy and a girl need a marriage license what do lesbians need?

A liquor license.

Safety First

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When's the best time to put out the cat?

When it's on fire.

To Each His Own

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Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find an entire field full of carrots. They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, they find an entire field full of female rabbits with no males in sight. They screw themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, the rabbits get to talking.

"I'm gonna go back to that field of carrots," says one.

"I'm gonna go back to those cute little rabbits," says the second.

"I'm going back to the lab," says the third. "I'm dying for a cigarette."

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Not Like She Used To Be

A wife arrived home after a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a cute little hottie.

Just as she was about to storm out of the house in anger, her husband stopped her and begged to explain: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl. She was looking poor and tired, so I offered her a ride. She said she was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the fridge. Her shoes were worn out, so I offered her the pair you didn’t wear because you thought they went out of style. She was cold so I gave her that birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn’t suit you. Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours, the ones you said didn’t fit anymore. Then as this poor young lady was about to leave, she paused at the door and asked me, 'Is there anything else that your wife doesn’t use anymore?'"

"And so, here we are!"

You Have Mine And I Have Yours

A woman is at home when she hears a knock at the front door. When she opens it there's a man standing there who shouts at her: "Hey lady, do you have a vagina?" Scared, she slams the door shut hoping he'll go away.

The next morning she hears a knock at the door again. It's the same guy and he asks the same question. "Do you have a vagina?" And again she slams the door only this time she calls her husband. The husband tells her he'll take off from work the next day and find out exactly what this guy is up to.

So the next morning, with the husband hiding behind the door, here comes that knock again. The husband signals to his wife she should answer yes this time. When she opens the door and the guy asks, "Do you have a vagina?" the wife says, "Yes I do."

"Perfect" the man replies, "Tell your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours!"

Excuses, Excuses

A guy woke up one day on Valentines day, he went to check the mail and saw there were no cards. He thought to himself, "Must be because there's no post on a Sunday..."

"Yeah, that's it...That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!"