A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Just Plain Funny

PlainFunny400X200Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

Another Vocabulary Lesson

Hits: 1965

Teacher to the class: "Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"

So Little Johnny raises his hand: "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?"

The Teacher said looked puzzled but answered: "Of course not Johnny."

To which Little Johnny answered: "Then I have definitely crapped my pants."

Sage Advice

Hits: 2099

Grandpa always told me don’t watch your money watch your health. So one day, while I'm watching my health, someone stole my money.

It was grandpa.

Religious Instruction

Hits: 1905
Teacher: "What do you know about the Resurrection?"
 
Johnny: "If it lasts more than 4 hrs call your doctor."

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Faking It

A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?"

The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe."

Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."

"No," said the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe; she fakes it with Ken.

Best Friends Forever

Difference between a friend & a real friend?

A friend helps you move. A real friend helps you move a body.

Not A Lifesaver

A teacher was working with a group of underprivileged children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory exploration. With their eyes closed, they would feel all types of objects, smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits. Then one day, the teacher brought in a great variety of candy lifesavers, more flavors than you could ever imagine.

"Children, I’d like you to close your eyes and taste these," announced the teacher. Without difficulty, they managed to identify the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher had them put honey flavored lifesavers in their mouths, every one of the children was stumped. "I’ll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It’s something your Mommy probably calls your Daddy all the time."

Instantly, Little Johnny spat the lifesaver out of his mouth and shouted, "Spit ’em out, you guys, they’re assholes!"