A termite walks into a bar and asks: "Where's the bar tender?"
A guy visits his doctor. He walks in with a banana stuck in one ear, a carrot in the other and a french fry up his nose.
He says, "Doc, I feel terrible."
The doc says, "You're just not eating right."
Why is a pap smear called a pap smear?
Because women wouldn't do them if they were called cunt scrapes.
Here's Dick Johnson's secret to a happy marriage.
Two times a week, my wife and I go to a nice restaurant and have a little wine and good food.
She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
