A termite walks into a bar and asks: "Where's the bar tender?"
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
Wife comes out of a beauty salon and asks husband: "So, how do I look?"
"Well, at least you tried..."
And that's when the fight started...
I asked my wife what she thought my two greatest assets were?
She said: "A closed mouth and an open wallet."
