How does a redneck girl practice safe sex?
She locks the doors on her pickup truck.
"Forgive me, Father, I was fucking my wife and fantasized she was a nun."
"My son, sometimes when I fuck a nun I fantasize it's your wife."
Researchers have determined that 99% of all men jerk off in the shower and the other 1% sing.
Do you know what they sing?
I didn't think you did.
What's a birth control pill?
That's the other thing a girl can put in her mouth to keep from getting pregnant.
