Dick's Jokes
Take Out The Trash
- Category: And that's when the fight started...
- Hits: 3028
One night my wife asked me to take out the garbage.
I told her: "You cooked it, you take it out."
And that's when the fight started...
You Go First
- Category: Dick Jokes
- Hits: 3686
A couple had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights. Well, after 20 years the wife finally had enough. She figured she would break him of that crazy habit. So one night, while they were right in the middle of a romantic session, she flipped on the lights.
To her shock she looked down and saw her husband was holding a giant dildo. She got extremely upset. "You impotent bastard!" she screamed at him. "How could you lie to me all these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looked her straight in the eyes and said calmly, "I'll explain the rubber dick if you explain the kids."
Not So Bon Vivant
- Category: Dick Jokes
- Hits: 3527
What do you call a guy who expects to get laid on the second date?
Slow.
Mental Health
- Category: Just Plain Funny
- Hits: 3243
I turned my whole life around.
I used to be depressed and miserable. Now I'm miserable and depressed.
Who's Your Daddy?
- Category: Just Plain Funny
- Hits: 3064
Johnson took his latest invention, a computerized crystal ball, to his banker hoping to get a business loan. The banker was skeptical, so Johnson said to give it a try.
The banker typed "Where's my father?" and instantly the reply came back "Fishing in Michigan."
The banker said "I knew this thing wouldn't work. My father's been dead for twenty years."
Johnson begged him "No.wait. Try asking in a different way."
So the banker tried "Where's my mother's husband?"
And bang the answer came back: "Your mother's husband has been dead for twenty years. Your father just landed a three pound trout."
Don't Give Me No Lip
- Category: And that's when the fight started...
- Hits: 2817
My wife bought one of those do-it-yourself waxing kits. Really wanting to please me, she asked with a wink: "Should I do the sides and leave a little strip down the middle?"
I told her: "I'd prefer you have no moustache at all."
And that's when the fight started...
Three Dicks And A Joke
- Category: Dick Jokes
- Hits: 3353
What's the difference between 3 dicks and a joke?
Your mother can't take a joke.
Pinocchio's Complaint
- Category: Dick Jokes
- Hits: 3319
Pinnochio tells his Dad that whenever he has sex with a girl, she complains about the splinters. His father gives him a piece of sand paper and tells him to rub his dick with it before sex and it should solve the problem.
A few days later, his father asks: "How are things going with the girls?" Pinocchio tells him: "Girls... who needs girls?"
Time For A Quickie
- Category: Dick Jokes
- Hits: 3051
A man walks into the kitchen and finds his wife boiling eggs. She looks at him passionately, lays on the counter, and says, "Make love to me Randy!"
Not wanting to lose the chance he embraces her quickly and they make passionate love.
When they are finished he asks her, "What was that about?"
She replies, "The egg timer was broken."
Call The Coroner
- Category: Just Plain Funny
- Hits: 2829
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same but you get to use the remote.
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