How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same but you get to use the remote.
What do you call a deaf bully?
Anything you want.
What's the difference between a tire and 365 condoms?
One's a Goodyear and the other is a fucking good year.
Teacher to the class: "Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"
So Little Johnny raises his hand: "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?"
The Teacher said looked puzzled but answered: "Of course not Johnny."
To which Little Johnny answered: "Then I have definitely crapped my pants."
