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Dick Jokes

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The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

Women Are A Mystery

Hits: 3296

Why can't a woman ever be satisfied?

Because no man has a dick made out of chocolate that shoots money.

Ding Dong

Hits: 4174

The bell rings at a whorehouse.

The madam answers the door and finds a guy with no arms and no legs. She looks at him and says: "What'ya think you're gonna do in here?"

He says: "Hey... I rang the bell, didn't I?"

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Relationship Expert

What's a platonic relationship?

That's a friendship between a girl and a guy who wants to fuck her. 

A Dead Man!

After 20 years of marriage, I still get blow jobs.

If my wife finds out, she'll fucking kill me.

This Should Cure Him

A lady takes her husband to the doctor's office.

After his check-up, the doctor calls her into his office and says, "Your husband is suffering from a very serious disease, which, combined with stress, will kill him in a few months. What you have to do is, each morning, fix him a nice breakfast, and be pleasant. Make him a nice lunch to take to work, and for dinner, make meals for him you know he'll enjoy. Don't give him too much to do around the house, especially after he's had a hard day. And don't burden him with too many of your problems, because that'll only increase his stress. And most importantly, make love to him a couple of times a week, and try to give him oral sex once a month or so. If you can do this for the next ten months, I think your husband could regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband says, "What did the doctor say?"

She says, "He said you're gonna die."