How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count?
If the girl has to chew, before she swallows.
Cop pulls a guy over at 3am: "Where you going at this hour?"
Guy says: "To a lecture on alcohol abuse, its effect on the human body. And the dangers of smoking & staying out late."
"Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
"My wife."
A woman was in bed screwing her husband's best friend when the phone rang
After hanging up, she says, "That was Harry, but don't worry, he won't be home for a while. He's playing cards with you."
When I die, I want to go like my Grandfather...in his sleep.
Not screaming like the other passengers in his car.