Dick Jokes
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I don't wanna brag, but my dick is so big, the head has only seen my balls in pictures. Get that ladies?
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A guy walks into a whorehouse looking for some action. He goes up to the madame and asks,"Hey, can I get a piece from one of your fine ladies?"
"Sorry sir," the madame responds, "but, we're all full." "Aw, please." he begs, "I'm super horny and I really need some poontang!"
The madame thinks for a moment then answers, "Well, there is one girl left but when you go meet her you have to wear this black condom." "Whatever," the guy shrugs and runs upstairs.
A few hours later he comes back down and says, "Wow, that was great. She didn't even make any noise. But why did I have to wear the black condom?"
The madame answered, "Out of respect for the dead."
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A guy gets on a bus sits down next to a very attractive nun. Totally enamored he boldly asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally the nun says no and gets off at the next stop. The guy goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of any way he might be able to have sex with the nun.
"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."
So the guy figures he would give it a try. He dresses up in his best God costume and hides out in the cemetery. At eight he sees the nun arrive. Just as she starts to pray he jumps out to confront her as God.
"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The guy tells her she must first have sex with him to prove her faith. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, as he ravages her from behind. When it's over, the guy suddenly pulls off his God disguise and shouts: "Haha! I'm the man from the bus!"
"Haha!" the nun says back to him while pulling her costume off, "I'm the bus driver!"