An old couple's sitting in the living room. The wife turns to her husband and says, "Let's go upstairs and fuck." He looks back and tells her, "I don't know if I can do both."
A car was driving recklessly down the street, swerving left and right. When it whizzed past a cop he pulled it over. A blonde rolled down the window and said, " Officer, I'm so glad you're here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting them!"
The officer looked at her and said, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener."
