Advice From Dad

Guy catches his son jerking off: "Son don't do that, you'll go blind."

Son shouts back "Pop, I'm over here."

How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?

Call her and tell her.

What do you call a musician with no girlfriend?

Homeless.

What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!