Advice From Dad

Guy catches his son jerking off: "Son don't do that, you'll go blind."

Son shouts back "Pop, I'm over here."

What'd the hockey player get on his SAT's?

Drool.

I bet my wife she couldn't piss me off and make me happy at the same time.

"No problem" was her reply, "Your dick is a lot bigger than your brother's."

And that's when the fight started...

Guy goes to his boss and asks for a day off, proudly saying: "My wife's gonna have a baby!" The boss tells him of course you can take the day off.

Two days later the guy shows up for work and the boss asks him: "So... was it a boy or a girl."

The guy replies: "How do I know... it takes nine months!"