Dick Jokes
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Two guys are in a doctor's waiting room. The first guy asks, "Why're you here?" The second guy says, "Endoscopy. He's going down my throat with a camera. Why're you here?"
The first guy replies, "Camera up the ass." The second guy remarks, "Oh, a colonoscopy?"
The first guy tells him, "Nah. My old lady caught me taking pictures of the neighbor's wife sunbathing naked."
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Hired a 19 year-old Danish girl with huge tits to babysit.
Now where the fuck am I going to get some kids?
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A guy and his date were parked on lovers lane at the top of a hill overlooking the city. Just as he made his move the gal stopped him and said: “I really should've told you this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker. If you want to get laid tonight it'll cost you 30 bucks.” Reluctantly the guy forked over the money, then screwed her in the back seat.
When they got back in front the guy just sat in the driver’s seat staring out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” the girl asked. “Well," the guy said, "I should've mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver... and the fare back to town is $35.00!”