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Dick Jokes

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The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

Going Down?

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I think I got beat up pretty bad last night. I remember getting on the elevator at my office and running into this gorgeous secretary with big tits. I couldn't help staring at her while the elevator door closed, but didn't start up. She said: "Would you please press one?"

So I did. I don't remember much after that...

Outpatient Surgery

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I had to make a visit to my doctor yesterday to get a mole removed from my dick.

From now on I'm going to stick to sheep.

Make A Wish

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A guy was fishing when he caught a magical crocodile. The crocodile spoke: "I am a magical crocodile. If you let me go I will grant you any wish you desire."

The man said, "Okay. I wish my balls could touch the ground."

So the crocodile bit his legs off.

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Better To Keep Your Mouth Shut

One day two boys were walking through the woods when they came upon some rabbit shit. The first boy asked his friend: "What's that?"

"'They're smart pills," his friend told him. "Eat one and it'll make you smarter." So the boy popped one in his mouth and said: "Yech. This tastes like shit."

"See," said his friend, "you're getting smarter already."

A Lot On The Side

How can you tell when your girlfriend's getting really fat?

You start asking your wife for sex.

I Love Bird Watching

What species of bird is known to give the best head?

The swallow!