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Dick Jokes

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The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

Going Down?

Hits: 2309

I think I got beat up pretty bad last night. I remember getting on the elevator at my office and running into this gorgeous secretary with big tits. I couldn't help staring at her while the elevator door closed, but didn't start up. She said: "Would you please press one?"

So I did. I don't remember much after that...

Outpatient Surgery

Hits: 2010

I had to make a visit to my doctor yesterday to get a mole removed from my dick.

From now on I'm going to stick to sheep.

Make A Wish

Hits: 2302

A guy was fishing when he caught a magical crocodile. The crocodile spoke: "I am a magical crocodile. If you let me go I will grant you any wish you desire."

The man said, "Okay. I wish my balls could touch the ground."

So the crocodile bit his legs off.

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There's Only One Alternative

Guy tells his buddy: "I think I've become di-sexual."

Friend asks: "Di-sexual? What the hell is that?"

Guy says: "If I don't get me some pussy pretty soon... I'm gonna kill myself."

Hang In There Buddy

One day the teacher walked to the back of the room where Little Johnny was sitting and found him with his hand down his pants. She asked, "Johnny, what are you doing?" Little Johnny said, "It hurts down there." "Well then," said the teacher, "You need to go to the nurse and see if you can go home."

A little while later, Johnny came back to the classroom and took his seat. When the teacher walked over she was shocked to see Little Johnny had his dick hanging out of his pants. The teacher said, "Johnny, what's that doing hanging out of your pants?!"

Little Johnny said, "The nurse called home, and my mommy said if I can stick it out till noon, she'll come and pick me up."

Is There An App For That?

My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I told him, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!"

Then I unplugged his life support.