Hired a 19 year-old Danish girl with huge tits to babysit.
Now where the fuck am I going to get some kids?
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
What do you do when you see your husband staggering in the back yard?
Shoot him again.
The family was having dinner last night when our son turned to his mother and asked: "Mom, what's a blowjob"
I turned to him and said: "Your mother doesn't know son."
And that's when the fight started...