A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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And that's when the fight started...

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I'm just sayin... that's all.

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My wife was telling me all about this new transgender thing... you know, where guys turn themselves into women. I said to her: "Yeah. Well that ain't nothin' You know how to turn a fox into an elephant?"

She said: "How?" I told her: "Marry it."

And that's when the fight started...

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My wife told me I should be more affectionate.

So I told her I got a girlfriend.

And that's when the fight started...

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The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with.  

I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me up all night!"

And that's when the fight started...

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Advice For Parents

You don't have to vaccinate all your children.

Just the ones you want to keep.

A Real Romantic

I asked my wife to give me a blow job. She said "Can't you be more romantic?"

So I told her "Sure, give me a blow job... in the rain."

And that's when the fight started...

A Question For Dad

A son asks his father: "What's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'."

His father thinks for a moment then says: "Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with George Clooney for a million bucks."

So he does and mom says: "You bet I would!" The boy reports back to his father but still doesn't understand.

So the father says: "Now, go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks."

Off he goes to ask his sister and her reply is: "Absolutely!"

Finally the boy goes back to his dad and says: "I think I get it pop. 'Potentially' we are sitting on two million dollars here... but in 'reality' we're living with a couple of whores."