Little Johnny was in the kitchen playing with his toy train while his dad was cooking dinner. Johnny stops the train at the station and says, "All of you bastards who want to get off, you're here, so get the fuck off. And you dirt bags waiting to board, get your asses on now or we leave without you!"
"Little Johnny!" shouted his father. "I can't believe you are using that kind of language! You should be ashamed of yourself! Go to your room and don't come back until you have thought about what you've done!"
So Little Johnny goes to his room and about an hour later he returns. Once again he starts playing with his toy train, only this time when he comes to the stop at the station he says, "All of you fine ladies and gentlemen who want to get off, you've arrived at your destination, you may now exit the train. And all of you nice people who are are waiting to get on, welcome aboard! As for anyone who has a problem with the one hour delay, take it up with the asshole in the kitchen!"
A guy really wants to fuck his wife in the ass. But no matter what he tries she always says no. So he goes to a sex therapist for some advice. The therapist says, "There's one sure-fire solution to your problem. There's a very special herb that only grows in the Amazon. It's very hard to find, but if you go there and find it, it'll be well worth it, because it'll solve your problem."
So for ten years the guy visits the Amazon. Each year the journey is fraught with danger, including being caught by cannibals and almost dying of malaria. Finally, after years of searching, he finds the herb and brings it back to the doctor. The doc tells him: "Leave it with me, and I'll prepare it. Come back tomorrow."
The next day when he returns the doctor hands him a little bottle filled with a mysterious green liquid. The guys asks: "Okay, how do I use it, Doc?"
The doctor says, "It's easy. You put the bottle on your wife's night stand. Then you say, 'Honey, would you grab that little bottle for me?' And when she turns around and bends over to grab it, boom!, you fuck her in the ass."
