How are blondes like computers?
You never appreciate them until they go down on you.
How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
Cop stops a young prostitute on the street & asks: "What would your mother say if she saw you out hooking?"
"She'd be pissed as hell... this is her corner!"
A drunk walking home one night staggers into a tree. He backs up, takes a step, and runs into the tree again.
Two more times he bumps into the tree, then curses: "Great. I shoulda been home 2 hours ago, and here I am lost in the damn forest."