When's the best time to put out the cat?
When it's on fire.
What's the definition of a lady?
Someone who doesn't drink or smoke, and the only time she curses is when your dick slips out.
What does a virgin and a balloon have in common?
One prick and it's all over.
My girlfriend caught me drying my dick with the hair dryer. She asked: "What are you doing?"
Apparently "Heating up your dinner." wasn't the right answer.
