Where does a one-legged waitress work?
IHOP
What's her name?
Ilene
A stockbroker calls a client and says, "Sam, I have good news and bad news."
Sam says, "Tell me the bad news first."
The stockbroker says, "I lost all of your money."
Sam says, "What's the good news?"
The stockbroker says, "I got laid last night."
How is sex like credit?
It's the people who need it most who can't get any.
What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?
They both like a tight seal.
