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Just Plain Funny

PlainFunny400X200Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

Get In The Swing Of Things

Created: 29 November 2016
Hits: 2440

The cops show up at the house. There's a guy lying on the floor in a pool of blood and a woman holding a bloody 5-iron. One of the cops says, "Is that your husband?" She says, "Yep." He says, "He's dead." She says, "Yep." He asks, "Did you hit him with the golf club?" She says, "Yep." He says, "How many times?"

She says, "I don't know. Four, five ... put me down for four."

What's New Pussycat?

Created: 28 November 2016
Hits: 2934

Guy vists a doctor and tells him: Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass Of Home.'" The doctor says, "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." The patient asks: "Is that common?"

The doctor says, "It's not unusual."

To Know Which Way The Wind Blows

Created: 25 November 2016
Hits: 2723

Husband and wife are fast asleep when the phone rings at two o'clock in the morning. The husband picks up the phone and says: "Hello?... How the heck do I know? What am I, the weatherman?" Then he  slams the phone down.

His wife rolls over and asks: "Who was that?" The husband replies: "I don't know. Some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear."

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

A Matter of Timing

I know I've been married too long. Last week I went to the doctor. He asked: "Have you had sex in the last seven days?" And I said: "No, my birthday's in April."

Maybe Just One More

A guy was walking around the office Christmas party belting down drink after drink. Each time he took a shot he reached into his shirt pocket, pulled something out, took a look, then stuck it back in his pocket. Finally, a friend walks up to him and asks: "Hey man. I've been watching you all night. What do you keep checking in your pocket?"

"That's a picture of my wife."

"So why do you keep looking at it?"

"Because," he replied: "When she finally starts looking good, then it's time to go home."

Always Know What To Say

What do you say to a woman who won't suck your dick?

"Honey, I'm home."

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