What's a man's idea of a balanced diet?
A beer in each hand.
Studies have been done to determine what pleases a woman. Turns out it takes only 3.4 inches to please a woman.
Doesn't matter if its Visa or MasterCard
How are nail polish and panties the same?
They both come off with a little alcohol.
A drunk calls the police, and says, "They stole my dashboard, they stole my steering wheel, they stole my brake pedal, they even stole my gas pedal..."
Then, before the cops can ask where he is, he says, "Hey, never mind, I'm in the back seat."