One Man's Heaven Is Another Woman's Hell

: Created: 05 March 2017; Hits: 1955

Why do only 10 percent of men make it to heaven?

Because if they all went, it would be called hell.

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Is It Because I'm Blonde?

A blonde girl comes home from school one day and tells her mom: "We were learning our numbers today and everyone else could only count to 5, but I could count to 10. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"

Her mom tells her "Great job honey!" The girl asks her mom "Is it because I'm blonde?" Her mom tells her: "Yes it is."

The next day the blonde girl comes home from school and tells her mom: "We were learning our alphabets today and everyone else could only get to E, but I got to J. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J!"

Her mom tells her "Great job honey!" The girl asks her mom "Is it because I'm blonde?" Her mom tells her again: "Yes it is."

On the third day the blonde girl comes home from school and tells her mom: "Today we were in the showers after gym class and all of the other girls were flat chested, but I have these!" Whereupon the girl lifts her shirt revealing very large breasts.

Her mom tells her "Um... Great job honey." The girl asks her mom: "Is it because I'm blonde?"

Her mom replies "No dear, it's because you're 25."

Time To Do Some Lawn Work

What's the best part of gardening?

Getting down and dirty with my hoes.

Ask And You Shall Receive

Every day a homeless drunk watches a guy stop and whisper to every chick that walks by. Sometimes the girl walks away a little confused. Sometimes the girl smiles, grabs the guy by the arm and they walk off to the motel across the street.

One day the homeless guy walks over and asks: "Hey buddy, what are you sayin' to those girls to get all that action?" The guy tells him: "I take the simple, direct approach. I first whisper 'Tickle your ass with a feather?' If the girl smiles and says sure, I know I've scored. But if she's offended I quickly repeat 'Particularly nasty weather' like she didn't hear me right and then just move on. Works every time!"

The drunk thinks what a great idea and decides to try it himself. Waiting on the corner he stumbles over to the first girl that walks by and shouts at her: "Shove a feather up your ass?" The girl looks totally shocked. So heeding his lesson he quickly covers by saying: "It's fucking raining."