One Man's Heaven Is Another Woman's Hell

Why do only 10 percent of men make it to heaven?

Because if they all went, it would be called hell.

An old guy visits a doctor. The doctor examines him and then sits down in the office for a consultation on his diagnosis.

"Well..." the doctor begins, "I'm sorry to have to tell you this... but you have cancer and you have Alzheimers."

The old guy looks at the doctor for a moment then says: "Thank god I don't have cancer."

What's worse than getting your keys stuck inside your car when you're parked outside an abortion clinic?

Going in to ask if you can borrow a coat hanger.

What's six inches long, two inches wide and drives every woman wild?

A hundred dollar bill!