One Man's Heaven Is Another Woman's Hell

Why do only 10 percent of men make it to heaven?

Because if they all went, it would be called hell.

My dick's so big it was overthrown by a military coup. It's now known as the Democratic Republic of My Dick.

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up as an altar boy.

I came home one evening and my wife was in the kitchen crying.

She told me she had baked me a pie and the dog ate it.

I told her: "Don't cry honey. I'll buy you another dog."

And that's when the fight started.