One Man's Heaven Is Another Woman's Hell

Why do only 10 percent of men make it to heaven?

Because if they all went, it would be called hell.

I bet my wife she couldn't piss me off and make me happy at the same time.

"No problem" was her reply, "Your dick is a lot bigger than your brother's."

And that's when the fight started...

If my son farts or has his hands down his pants, my wife smiles and says, “Like father, like son!”

Yesterday we caught him screwing the neighbor, but for some reason it wasn’t so funny when I said it.

What'd the blonde say when she saw a guy walking two dogs?

"He must be really blind."