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Drop The Coin Right Into The Slot

Category: Just Plain Funny
Published: 06 June 2016
Hits: 3003

A couple is in divorce court to decide on custody of their child. The judge asks each one to give a reason why they should be the one to keep the child.

The wife says, "Well I carried this child around in me for nine months and I had to go through a painful birth process. This is my child and a part of me." Then the judge turns to the husband and asks the same question.

The husband replies, "OK, I take a coin and put it in the drink machine and a drink comes out. Now, tell me, who does the drink belong to -- me or the machine"

And Now I'm Outta Here

Category: Dick Jokes
Published: 05 June 2016
Hits: 2882

Why did the woman leave her husband after he spent all their money on a penis enlarger?

She just couldn’t take it any longer.

Not the Same Old Routine

Category: And that's when the fight started...
Published: 04 June 2016
Hits: 2282

My wife wanted to be a little playful, so she whispered: "Say dirty things to me!"

So I said: "Bathroom, kitchen, living room..."

And that's when the fight started...

It's Always in a Bar

Category: Just Plain Funny
Published: 03 June 2016
Hits: 2832

A termite walks into a bar and asks: "Where's the bar tender?"

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Like Father, Like Son

If my son farts or has his hands down his pants, my wife smiles and says, “Like father, like son!”

Yesterday we caught him screwing the neighbor, but for some reason it wasn’t so funny when I said it.

Sometimes You Just Gotta F*ck It

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus and says, "This is a very talented octopus. He can play any instrument in the world. I'll give five hundred bucks to anybody who has an instrument that the octopus can't play."

A guy walks up with a guitar, the octopus takes it, and starts playing like Jimi Hendrix. Another guy walks up with a trumpet, and the octopus plays it better than Dizzy Gillespie.

A third guy walks up with bagpipes. He sits it down, the octopus fumbles with it for a minute, and then he sets it down with a confused look. The guy says, "Hah! You can't play it?"

The octopus looks at him and says, "Play it? As soon as I get its pajamas off, I'm gonna fuck it."

Not Even GPS Will Help

A drunk walking home one night staggers into a tree. He backs up, takes a step, and runs into the tree again.

Two more times he bumps into the tree, then curses: "Great. I shoulda been home 2 hours ago, and here I am lost in the damn forest."

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