Why is a woman like a car?
On a cold morning when you need it the most, she won't turn over.
My wife's losing weight now thanks to a weight loss club. She goes near the fridge, I hit her with the club.
Why aren't federal government employees allowed to look out the window in the morning?
Because then they would have nothing to do in the afternoon.
Two guys are having a couple of beers and talking about their wives. "Do you and your wife ever do it doggy style?" asks the first one.
"Well, not exactly," replies his friend. "She just pretends to be a dog." "Very kinky." says the first guy.
"Well, not really... Whenever I lean over and whisper let's do it doggy style, she rolls over and plays dead."
