Outpatient Surgery

I had to make a visit to my doctor yesterday to get a mole removed from my dick.

From now on I'm going to stick to sheep.

Lifehack: How do you find a needle in a haystack?

Easy... burn the fuckin' hay! Any more questions?

Guy bought his wife a new coat and a dildo. Figured if she didn't like the coat, she could go fuck herself.

What do you call a woman who can suck a lemon through a 40-foot garden hose.

Darling.