A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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And that's when the fight started...

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I'm just sayin... that's all.

Knew It Wouldn't Work

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My wife suggested we go to a marriage counselor to work on our relationship. I said sure. We get there and the therapist asks me to tell how I felt.

I said: "I knew right from the beginning our marriage wouldn't work. I'm an Aquarius and she's a cunt."

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Do That Again

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Johnson finds wife in bed with a friend, shoots him.

"Keep behaving like that you'll lose all your friends." she snaps at him.

And that's when the fight started...

Get A Little Culture

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I took my wife to the art gallery. The 1st picture was a naked women with a small patch of leaves over her private parts. My wife didn't like it so she said: "Let's keep going."

When I didn't follow right away she turned and asked: "What are you waiting for?"

I told her: "Autumn."

And that's when the fight started...

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Almost Crapped My Pants!

Bob and Martha have been married for 15 years. Every morning for 15 years, Bob wakes up, farts loudly, rolls over onto his back and gets up for work. Every morning for 15 years, Martha says, "One of these days, you're gonna fart your guts out!"

One Thanksgiving morning, Martha's preparing the turkey and gets an idea. Before her husband gets up, she creeps upstairs and places the turkey innards in his pajama bottoms, giggling to herself. Well, later that morning, Bob wakes up and goes through his morning ritual. He screams as he goes running into the bathroom. Martha laughs, but is concerned after noticing that Bob has been in the bathroom for 3 hours.

She runs upstairs, and is about to knock on the door, when Bob opens up, pale as a ghost.

He says, "You were right. You were right. I did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God and these two fingers I got them back up there again."

Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires

Why doesn't Smokey the Bear have any kids?

Because every time Mrs. Smokey gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.

Done But Not Retired

What would you call a hooker with jizz all over her face?

Call her a cab ... her job is done.