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Don't Say It

Created: 08 April 2017
Hits: 2416

How come during sex it's OK to say, 'Who's your daddy?,' but it's not OK to say, 'I love you, mommy'?

Have You Ever Done That?

Created: 06 April 2017
Hits: 2451

A couple has sex. When they're done, the girl looks in the box of condoms and sees only 6 left out of 12. She asks, "What happened to the other condoms?" The guy says, "I, uh... I made balloon animals out of them for my niece and nephew."

The next day the girl's at work telling the story to her co-workers. She turns to one of the guys and asks: "Have you ever done that?" He tells her, "Sure. All the time."

She can't believe it so she argues: "Really? You make balloon animals out of condoms?"

He says back, "No. I thought you were asking if I ever lied to my girlfriend."

Reality Check

Created: 03 April 2017
Hits: 2073

A drunk wakes up in a cemetery in a freshly-dug grave. He thinks: If I'm alive, why's there a tombstone? If I'm dead, why do I have to piss?

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Sexting

I woke up this morning with a text that seemed to have been sent to me by accident. It read,

"Hi... be home soon. Love ya, Dave xxx"

Being Valentine's Day I thought I'd have a bit of fun so I texted the guy back:

"Don't bother, I don't love you. You're a son of a bitch and  I've been banging your brother."

I couldn't wait for the reply, then it came:

"You OK mom?"

Mom's Best Advice

"Mom I tied the knot."

"Great. Now kick out the chair he's standing on & you're finally rid of the jerk."

Men are Dogs, Not Vice Versa

Why does a dog lick himself?

He can't make a fist.

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