Every Frickin' Joke
Pray For Me
- Category: Just Plain Funny
- Hits: 2587
Willie goes to a revival meeting for some much needed prayer. The preacher says, "Whoever needs to be healed-UH... come for-ward-UH... come to the al-tar-UH... ask for the heal-ing-UH..." Willie gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher says, "All right my son, what do you need me to pray for?" Willie says, "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."
The preacher puts one hand over Willie's ear, puts the other hand on top of Willie's head, and prays and prays and prays. After a few minutes, the preacher takes his hands away, stands back, and says, "Son, how is your hearing now?"
Willie says, "I don't know preacher. My hearing ain't 'til next Wednesday."
The Bigger The Better
- Category: Dick Jokes
- Hits: 2488
A guy gets a job as a salesman at a dildo store. First day a brunette walks in and asks: "How much for the black dildo?" He tells her: "$50 for the black one, $50 for the white one." She leaves without buying anything. Then a redhead walks in and asks him: "How much for the white dildo?" He replies" "$50 for the white one, $50 for the black one." She doesn't buy anything either.
Finally a blonde walks in and asks him" "How much for a dildo?" He answers: "$50 for a black one, $50 for a white one." Then she points and asks: "How much for the plaid one on the shelf behind you?" He says" "Oh that's a very special one, that's $250." She buys it.
At closing, the manager asks the guy: "So how much did you sell today?" The man tells him: "No dildos. But I did sell your old thermos for $250."
The Dangers of Modern Technology
- Category: Just Plain Funny
- Hits: 2112
A guy gets a text from his neighbor, "I'm really sorry Harry. I've been saddled with so much guilt that I have to confess. I've been tapping your wife day and night when you're not home. In fact, probably a lot more than you. I don't get it at home, but that's no excuse. I just can't deal with the guilt any more ... I hope you'll accept my apology and my promise that it won't happen again."
Furious, the guy grabs his gun, storms into his wife's bedroom and shoots her dead.
A few minutes later, he gets another text: "Fucking auto-correct. I meant wifi, not wife."
Quick Thinking
- Category: Dick Jokes
- Hits: 2243
Little Johnny's dad was sitting on the edge of the bed rolling on a condom about to give some to the old lady. Little Johnny sticks his head in the door, sees his dad and says, "Whatcha doin' Daddy?" Johnny's dad stoops over to cover up his dick and starts looking around at the floor. "Oh, I'm just looking for this big rat I saw." he tells the kid.
Little Johnny asks, "Whatcha gonna do, fuck it?"
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