Every Frickin' Joke
More Than One Reason
- Category: Just Plain Funny
- Hits: 2800
A young man got a new job running the cash register at a general store. The old store owner promised he would teach him how to be a salesman and up-sell. "Watch how I do it," he said to his new hire.
As a customer put a bag of grass seed on the counter, the old-timer said to him, "When you plant those seeds your grass is gonna start growing and you're going to need a new lawnmower to cut it." "You know," said the customer, "I think you're right. I do need a new mower. Sure, I'll take one."
The new kid said, "Wow. I think I see what you mean. Let me try one." The next customer in line stepped up to the counter and set down a box of tampons. The young kid said, "You know, you should get you a new lawnmower to go with that." The man asked the kid, "What the hell are you talking about?"
The wanna-be salesman told him, "It looks like your weekend's shot, so you might as well cut the grass."
We're On The Air
- Category: Dick Jokes
- Hits: 2426
A cute young blonde goes to a radio station late one night and kocks on the door. The all-night D.J. lets her in and chats to her between songs. Pretty soon he starts getting really horny. Finally, he can't stand it any more. So he rolls his chair over in front of her, stands on it, takes out his dick and sticks it right in her face. He looks down at her and says, "You know what to do!"
She looks up at him and says, "I-I think so." He says, "Then go ahead."
She grabs it and screams into it, "I just want to say hello to Terry and Holly and the whole gang at Matt's Grill."
In The Spirit of Giving
- Category: Just Plain Funny
- Hits: 2956
The local United Way discovers that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. So a local volunteer calls him and says, "Even though your annual income is well over a million dollars, our research shows you've never made a donation to our organization. Would you like to give back to the community through The United Way?"
The lawyer says, "First, did your research show that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and has huge medical bills far beyond her ability to pay?" The rep says, "No."
The lawyer says, "Second, did your research show that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?" The rep says, "No."
The lawyer says, "And finally, did your research show that my sister's husband died in a terrible car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children?" The rep says, "I had no idea."
So the lawyer says: "Think about it. If I wouldn't give to any of them, why the hell would I give to you!"
Analyze This
- Category: Dick Jokes
- Hits: 3001
A guy visits a psychiatrist and lies on the couch. The doc asks: "What's your problem?"
The guy tells him, "Doc, I can't seem to make any friends. Can you help me, you fat fuck?"
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