A husband gets home from his day in court on a traffic offense and his wife asks: "So, how did it go?"
The husband replies: "Well honey, I ended up in front of Judge Calloway, you remember, the judge who married us. Turns out he remembered me too... so I pleaded 'guilty with explanation' and he only gave me a small fine. That was way better than the last time, when you and I were in there together. That time he gave me life without the possibility of parole."
Little Johnny's dad was sitting on the edge of the bed rolling on a condom about to give some to the old lady. Little Johnny sticks his head in the door, sees his dad and says, "Whatcha doin' Daddy?" Johnny's dad stoops over to cover up his dick and starts looking around at the floor. "Oh, I'm just looking for this big rat I saw." he tells the kid.